John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
