why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
