do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
