peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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