I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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