So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
