3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
