I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize