I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
