I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
honey bunches of taint.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This is my gift to your gina
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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