I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
