I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
