Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
there is glitter all over my balls
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
