Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She said her name was "party"
Quick, to the slutcave!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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