i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
