I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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