Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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