I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
