i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
