I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
