he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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