1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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