Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
