my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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