Will you blow on my dice?
My first STD was from a foam party
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
