Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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