it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
