Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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