I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
