We need to start having sex underwater more often.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
