Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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