moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
