Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
