A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Mom said you looked used
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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