i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We named our party play list daddy issues
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
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