the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
