I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
