happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
