Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
