And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
ok first of all what the fuck
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
