I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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