we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
