Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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