saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
