To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
