party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
