I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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