I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
