No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
