She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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