My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
