First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
