I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
