my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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