Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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