I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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