I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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