i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
