Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
