Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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