everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
