My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
