my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
