when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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