hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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