no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
