Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
