I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
