The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
