dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
