Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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